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An hour I wait.An hour left torn between loathing and excitement. A time when one moment I want to run out the door, carry on running until I get home and lock the door forever on my sordid secret life. Then a momentary thought and I am lost in anticipation of what ‘She’ will bring this afternoon.‘She’ that is her name. I know no other. I really speak in her presence, only nods and quietly spoken yes when I am instructed, or is that commanded to doing something, usually degrading. No, is not a word allowed, not that it was said but defiance will come at a price was in a message once.Messages… That is how this all started. One weekend alone. John had taken the children to his parents. I wanted to spring clean the house, even though it was late May and spring was nearly summer. All started with good intentions until I opened the laptop. I was soon distracted by a forum occasionally frequented. A message appeared in the mailbox.‘You fascinate me. Your twee little comments about this. Some other crossdresser started private sex meetings, but for me it yet to dangerous. So I am riding my bicycle a lot, when it is a sunny day. I think it is not dangerous to cycle in nature and I need physical exercises. So the most dangerous thing I am doing, is shopping in supermarkets. I am alerted and coutious, but not in panic. In my day to day life, I am doing it, like when I traveled in Asia, I am toughing everything with my left hand, which are also toughed by others and with the right hand, I can tough myself, or things, which only me is using. And I am washing my hands as soon as I am at home. So if someone is coutious, I think the luck decides if someone gets infected or not. They started with the exit out of the brakedown, but we are still far away from a normal life. Hopefully it will be allowed to visit other people, I guess then many people will meet at private sexparties. Some horny men wrote me, they want to visit me, for having sex. Due to the lockdown it is not.
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